Isaac is now a toddler (he just turned one year old), and I think that he would take the crown for the drama KING.
His fits and defiance has definitely increased as he has entered toddlerhood. He has been throwing tantrums since he was 9 months old, but that was really no surprise to me because right after he was born, he would claw me and his face when I was trying to nurse (I gave up three weeks after he was born). He panics whenever you try to change anything (you can’t move his crib or change anything in his room), and he won’t sleep anywhere but HIS OWN CRIB IN HIS OWN ROOM.
WOW. I didn’t know parenting would be this way. He is the joy of my life. He gets so excited and has fits of laughter. He laughed so hard at me last week that he actually had tears rolling from his eyes. But yet, he can go into fits of hysteria to the point that he will shake all over and look like he is having seizures. He fights sleep like nobody’s business, and if you don’t go get him he will gag himself until he throws up everywhere. He has an extremely sensitive gag reflex which he loves to set off himself, sometimes just for fun, or it can go off when he is upset, for instance, when he fell and bit his tongue. He has puked probably about 20 times or so in the past few weeks, and when he throws up, he usually has a hard time breathing, turns purple, dry heaves, gets scared, and then really panics. He also throws bucking fits when you pull him away from something or try to put him in a stroller or shopping cart and he doesn’t want to go. I nicknamed him Buckey Brown because of his bucking fits.
My pediatrician told me when I brought him in at about 10 months for his crazy behavior to get a copy of Dr. Dobson’s book, The Strong-Willed Child, and get ready.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to paint the picture wrong here. Isaac is super sensitive and wants to please. You can see him really make efforts to make sure that Mom and Dad are okay with him—during and after his fits. He loves attention and approval, but it just seems that his emotions are so intense that he loses control and doesn’t know what to do with himself.
On top of this, he is so independent that he doesn’t want me to do anything for him. If I try to spoon feed him, he will knock the spoon across the room. From about 7 months, he has wanted to hold his own bottle and he doesn’t want to be held while he is drinking it. I would prop him up on a pillow in the floor to take it. Countless times I have lain down next to him to try to give that mommy closeness that all the experts say is essential for a healthy baby, only to have him shove me with all his might away from him (I think he has inherited his independent nature from me---the rest is all his DAD!!!)
He has completely baffled me!!!
So, I’ve been reading books to try to figure out what to do. No one will give you advice on what to do when a nine month old has tantrums.
I also don’t know what to do when they are willfully defiant at this age. The people who have suggested popping his hands all still have defiant children that hit back, and I just don’t know how I feel about it. Actually I did pop his hands yesterday after he kept hitting me in the face, and I popped them once for doing something despite me repeating no-no several times. All it did was cause him to start having a screaming fit. So, for now, I have decided against the popping the hands thing and instead use restriction and distraction.
So far I do not like Dr. Dobson’s book, The Strong-Willed Child. I don’t agree with him on his first premise that children are born inherently evil or sinful, and I feel like this view of children really taints his attitude in dealing with them. I also feel that he is extremely cocky in his book and really puts down other psychologists who feel differently about approaching strong-willed children. This irritates me because it adds to that mindset some Christians hold, often believing they have all the “TRUE” answers and the “World” (which includes doctors, psychologists, and university studies) offers perverted advice that will steer us in the wrong direction.
Some of his advice has been helpful, and some of his later chapters help to balance out some of his more extreme viewpoints in earlier chapters. However, I don’t feel the book helps a mom to deal with a child that is extremely emotional. When he does talk about the emotional child he says that it is used for manipulation and defiance. I do think this can be true in some situations, but no so in my case. I really have a hard time believing that my two week old had fits in which he clawed me and his face was an act of defiance. And, Isaac still has fits which I know are not defiance, but simply frustration in communication or not understanding what is going on.
I don’t want to totally rag on the book. I can see that it may be helpful for a mom whose children are completely out of control or a child who seems to have no feelings of guilt for their outbursts. But, overall it has not done me much good, and I don’t like adopting Dobson’s attitude towards my own child.
Sorry if some of you like the book. If it works for you, go for it!!! Our children are all different.
I have enjoyed It’s a Boy by Dr. Michael Thompson. I read about the book in Parenting magazine. I learned so much about the uniqueness of boys—how they are “hardwired” differently (boys use a completely different area of their brain for communication and enjoy looking at moving objects more than faces—girls prefer to look at faces) and about the attachment stage from 8 to 15 months and how boys handle attachment to their mothers differently that girls. It really helped me to understand why Isaac would flip when I left him in his crib.
However, I still need something on practical advice. I am going to be ordering a new book plus DVD called The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp, also suggested by Parenting magazine. I really wished I had heard of his book The Happiest Baby on the Block before because my complaint is that no one gives good advice on how to deal with any of this stuff pre-toddlerhood. The best advice was given to me by my cousin who has a similar little boy. She said that it gets easier when you are able to rationalize with them.
Until then, I will just give it my best shot, which is all you can do anyway, and enjoy our happy times in the kiddie pool, playing with toys, long walks outside while trying to keep him from eating grass, pushing him in his new car, and letting him crawl over my back while I lie in the floor (the only way I get a good massage these days). I love my son. Despite his Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde personality, to me is the most beautiful little boy on earth—through and through.
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